How to Deal with an Exploitative Spouse? Sadhguru
Questioner: Sadhguru, Namaskaram how to conduct oneself when, you know, when you have a very exploitative spouse, you know? Sadhguru: You’re talking about how to conduct him or yourself? Questioner: Myself. Sadhguru: No, actually you want to know how to fix him, right? Questioner: No, Sadhguru. (Sadhguru): So this is very important. I’m particularly talking to you. Please sit down. It’s very important that we are straight with life, do you understand? What you want is your husband fixed, but because you’re sitting in front of me you’re saying, “Sadhguru, how do I fix myself to fit into this exploitation?” (Laughter) which is not the truth (Laughs). You want to know how to fix the man. Yes or no? Please tell me, all the ladies (Laughter). If you perceive him – we don’t know what he is – we’re not talking about your husband. I do not know what he is, but if you perceive him as exploitative, obviously you want to fix him, isn’t it? If you perceive yourself as a problematic wife, then maybe some thought about, “Maybe I want to fix myself,” will come up. When you perceive somebody as exploitative, the intention is to fix them, isn’t it? But we wouldn’t want to be straight about that because the culture doesn’t tell you the culture tells you “Fixing your husband is not a good thing you must fix yourself (Laughs).” So if you get a headache, go for a foot surgery – then the foot will be aching more than the head (Laughter) – kind of fixed (Laughter). At least your attention is gone. So it’s time If we are concerned about life it’s time that we are one hundred percent straight, at least with ourselves. Maybe in the world, we don’t know what profession you have, what situations you have, we don’t know how straight you can be – I will not interfere with that, but at least (Laughs) with yourself you must be hundred percent straight very important. Otherwise, neither yourself nor your life situations will ever get fixed, simply complaining and going on. Life will be a lifelong complaint for a whole lot of people because they don’t want to address it, they want to beat around it. So, husband-fixing program we must do (Laughter). No, we have fixed a whole lot of them, because they become meditative and suddenly their exploitative nature went away because now they’re busy with something else. So I… don’t want to get into a personal situation right now here, but you must bring meditativeness into you and into your family. This is something we have to invest into life now. If you’re not able to fix your husband, at least you must have a wish that the next generation of husbands are not exploitative. If you’re interested in that, you must make sure your little boy that you have right now, you must fix him now with some meditation. Yes. Meditation is not about fixing him against something. It is just that meditativeness means to become in such a way that you are not the source of the problem. Wherever you are, you’re a solution, you’re not a problem. If you become a solution, everybody will want you wherever you are, isn’t it? Whether it’s your workplace, your family, on the street, wherever whoever seems like a solution, that person everybody wants. Yes or no? Either you are a problem or you are one who complains about problems – nobody wants to see your face. You must know this (Laughs). But if you’re a solution, everybody wants you everywhere, including your husband. He will desperately want you if you are a solution to his life. Yes? So it’s important – not just you as a person, I’m saying everybody – it’s important we understand we need to understand if we don’t make this (Referring to oneself) piece of life a pleasant piece of life, first of all – this the fundamental thing – if you do this, after that you decide whether you need marriage, you don’t need marriage, you need children, you don’t need children, all these things you decide later. When this (Referring to oneself) is miserable, you have no business to multiply it. Yes or no? Misery – “I can’t get along with my husband. I can’t get along with my wife.” Already children, children, children coming, why (Laughter)? If you cannot get along, how is this happening (Laughter)? Because… we have chosen to live unconsciously. I’m not saying live this way or that way. Whatever the hell you do, you do it by choice and consciously, that’s all knowing the full implications of what it means. Yes? That much responsibility everybody must take, isn’t it? If you do not bring (it) into this, you will be a lifelong complaint. I will not tell you how to deal with your marriage. You bring this much into your life. Before marriage, “No Sadhguru, I didn’t want, but my parents, you know, I got married.” After marriage, “I don’t want to live in this marriage, but my children, you know?” (Laughter) After the children have grown up, “But, you know, I have to wait for my grandchildren.” (Laughter) Tch. See, you have made yourself in such a way that you are a result of an unconscious process, you are not a result of a conscious process. When you are a result of an unconscious process, you are bound to be a miserable accident. Yes. It’s time every human being takes responsibility to at least change this much, then we can talk about big things – reaching the peak of your consciousness, mukthi, moksha. Don’t utter these words cheaply (Laughs). Don’t utter these words. First fix the fundamentals. The fundamentals are just this – whatever the hell you are right now, it’s yours. Either you must have the courage to change it or you must learn to settle into it. Yes? Yes or no? You must Either you must have the courage to change it or you must learn to settle into it, one of these things you must do. Simply endless complaint for the rest of your life is no good. It is just that we must understand if we are in a certain state, everything feels like it’s against us. You fix this (Referring to oneself), after that you decide which way your life should be. You stay there, there’s a consequence, you get out, there’s a consequence. Everything there is a consequence. But at least let it be a conscious consequence instead of being a helpless, unconscious state of existence.