Lunchables Pizza – Foods Reviews – brutalmoose


Hey there, welcome back to my tiny, tiny kitchen. Last time I was here, I cooked up some Kid
Cuisines for you guys. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. I ate some plastic. It went pretty well. I got a lot of requests for a sequel, so that’s
what I’m here to do today. A lot of people wanted more Kid Cuisine, some
people wanted different frozen TV dinners, but the biggest request, by far, was to eat
some Lunchables. So that’s what we’re doing today. I’m pretty excited. So does this make me a professional food critic now? Um… yeah. Yep. It does. So obey my food opinions, bitch. Narrator: Another day, another hope. Kid: Is it pizza? Narrator: Another sandwich. Kid: Oh. Kid: It wouldn’t be pizza, wouldn’t it? Kid: Oh. I went to the store and I looked for the hot
dog and the hamburger Lunchables because those were the ones that I remember the most fondly. All I found, though, were various pizza and
those cracker Lunchables? Now these Lunchables here are indeed memorable. They’re iconic, really, and delicious. But they really just are crackers and cheese
packaged together for people too lazy to do it themselves. I don’t think I need to review them. Instead of doing that, I bought one of each
of the pizza variants they had for a total of four, and I’m gonna do, like, a Pizza Showdown
thing. I don’t know. Let’s get started. Kid: You know, pizza would be really good. Oh. Narrator: We got the hint! Presenting Lunchables pizza. Three real crusts with all the toppings. Fun to make and eat. No need to heat! Kid: Pizza?! Thanks, mom. Ian [Voiceover]: Bitch. First up, I will be trying the extra cheesy
pizza meal. This meal is a classic. One I remember. Not all of these are pizza combinations I
remember, but this one is for sure. So this looks a lot like how I remember it. You’ve got your pizza, you’ve got your Capri
Sun, and then you’ve got your candy. The only really interesting thing on the box
is this here in the corner. “Look for fun comics inside! Collect them all.” It’s like – there’s like a jackalope and a…
a dog. [Dog barking] The comics don’t look like they’re branded. It looks like Lunchables are making their
own comics about jackalopes. [Audience cheering] [Fwoop!] Oh! It’s- the comic is- the comic is actually
on the meal. “Hurry!” “Woah, too fast!” “Lunchables.” [Demon voice] “Mmm… Cherry. Mmm…” Reminds me a lot of Bazooka Joe comics in
that it’s not funny. I haven’t had a Capri Sun in ages. I’m actually super excited to try this. I guess you can save this if you’d like to
collect them all? Not me. So right off the bat, these are a lot smaller
than I remember them. I know, you know, as you get older you get
bigger and so things seem to get smaller, but I mean that is – that is a tiny pizza. Take the sauce. Unmarked – unmarked mystery sauce. [Dancy, trumpety music] Back when life was good, Lunchables used to
come with this little stick to help you spread the sauce, but they don’t do that anymore. I’m just gonna use – uh… this great comic
here. It seems like a good use. At least there’s some function for it. Included with your pizzas are two different
types of cheese, the better cheese obviously coming in the larger container. [Warping sound] This is not how I remember this cheese feeling
at all. It just feels so dry. So this is pretty much what you get. This is lunch. [Laughs] I can’t wait anymore, so let’s get-
let’s eat. Let’s eat. [Slicing sounds] [Bulldozer] Cheers! [Chomps] Grr! I’m Giant Pizza Man! I’m so big and I just want pizza.
[People screaming in terror] Run from me! Nom… nom…! This is incredibly nostalgic. This tastes very familiar. All right, let’s try our Pacific Cooler. [Creaking drinking] I don’t know that I like it as much as I used
to. It’s definitely nostalgic, but it… tastes
very fake. Very- not good for me [Screaming] The main part of this meal was pretty good. This tasted exactly as I remember it. The cheese is a little different. A little – I don’t know, powdery almost? It’s got, like, cheese powder on it. I don’t remember that. I liked it, though. Very nostalgic. I think if you ate it, it would remind you
exactly of how it tasted. Pretty good. For a second opinion, though – I mean I’m
just one man, one professional food critic man. [Applause] But let’s get an outside opinion and see how
the rest of the world feels about this Lunchable. That was a very dramatic and exciting review
and it brings up something I did want to talk about. Some people microwave this. Now, I’d imagine most of you feeling immediately
repulsed by that idea, but I assure you there are people out there that microwave this. But they’re wrong. You’re not supposed to microwave these. That’s not what they’re intended for. You can trust me because I’ve never done it,
so I’m an expert. I’m gonna be fair, though. Let’s give it a shot. I’ve never microwaved a Lunchable before,
but here we go. How long do you think I’m supposed to do this
for? I don’t know. Until the cheese is melted, I guess? Oh! Shit, dude! Oh no- Oougghhh… Arrgh! They’re wrong. They’re wrong. Anyone who does this is wrong. This looks disgusting. It smells disgusting. Look at it. Look at it! Look at the che- look at that. [Screaming]
Ugh! [Bulldozer] Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm! Uh uh, no. But wait, it’s not over. We got some remainder cheese, we got some
remainder sauce. When I was a kid, I used to just eat the sauce [Sad piano; audience groaning] Don’t have interest in doing that now. I would use the yellow Cheddar-y cheese all
up on the pizzas, but I would save some of this mozzarella – and just so I could eat
it. And then, finally, we have a blue raspberry
and cherry Airhead. It’s a striped – I didn’t even know that they
made these. Have you ever seen a striped Airhead before? That’s pretty neat. It’s just pure sugar, man. This is what you want to give to kids right
before they go back to class. Right at lunch, give ’em some, you know,
good food, then just load them up with sugar. [Yippee!] To rate this Lunchable, I’m gonna award some
Ian Points for each part of the meal. The pizza part: pizza, cheese, sauce; they
get 10 Ian Points. The Capri Sun gets eight Ian Points. The Airhead gets 15 Ian Points, and then I’m
taking off 100 Ian Points for the stupid comic. Minus 100.
[Audience groans] Next: Lunchables Pizza with Pepperoni! Narrator: All day, you gotta do with they say. But lunchtime is all yours! That’s why there’s Lunchables pizza from
Oscar Mayer. You can tell just by looking at the box,
this is a lot like the previous pizza, except it comes with pepperoni. And it comes with only one type of cheese. It also comes with, instead of an Airhead,
you get a Crunc bar. Also, the Capri Sun is fruit punch. So, that’s different. [Sexy disco music] All right, before we get – oh, no. Before we dig in, let’s see what – what comic
we got. “Hurry!” “Whoa, too fast!” Right. We’re gonna assemble the pizzas much like
we did last time. Whoa! Oh! Oh NOOOOO! I’m guessing – I really don’t want to eat
the cheese that landed on my backup hairbrush. You know what? I’m just gonna make the one, now. I already spilled everything all over me. To be perfectly honest, I was going – I planned
on microwaving each of these at least once. But it’s just so bad, I’m not going to do
that. Oh, I should do the cheese first. [Xylophone sounds] Floor cheese, I guess? [Fun… polka music?] The hair! No – auuugh! Oh, another hair! Aaagh… It’s fine. It’s my hair. You’re allowed to eat your own hair… I guess? [Boink!] These pepperonis are definitely different. I don’t – these are unfamiliar pepperonis. You’ve got a beautiful pizza here composed
with – you can’t see it here, but if you lift up the pepperoni, you can see there’s some
floor cheese under there. Floor cheese, floor pepperonis – it’s like
a floor pizza. Y’know. It’s like eating like a kid again. Kids do this, right? [Chomp] What is that taste? Is that the floor or is that the pizza? [Chomp] It’s the pepperoni. These slimy pepperoni slices taste strange. They almost taste breakfast-y, like – almost
like there’s a hint of maple or something? I don’t know what it is. Definitely strange, definitely slimey. Let’s try our meme drink now. [Horror music] [The crinkling of the Capri Sun sounds like guts] [Screaming, general terror] [Deep voice] Little Minion lifeblood fuels
me. Die! [Laughs] Death. And we can’t forget the Crunc bar. Crunc used to actually be my favorite bar. I used to eat these things all the time. Something about these – the puffed rice things
in here? Mmm. Let’s rate this thing. Lunchables with pizza pepperoni pizza – pizza. Toby: Pizza, pizza! Pizzas themselves, I give two Ian Points. I really did not like the pepperonis. The combination of cheese just tasted way
better. I don’t know, something about those pepperonis
I just didn’t like. Nine Ian Points for the – the Capri Sun. 10 Points for the Crunch bar. Then -500 Ian Points for the repeat, garbage
comic. I’d rather look at nothing, honestly. For the second opinion, here’s a review titled
“Simplicity.” You would – you would think that Martha Stewart
would know that Lunchables is not a healthy snack. All right, so we’re saying goodbye to nostalgia. Bye bye, nostalgia. See you later, friend. And we’re gonna barrel right straight into
the stuff that I don’t even remotely understand. Kid 1: C’mon, man! What are you doing? That’s my Lunchables. Kid 2: Hey, you’re having the new one too. That’s great! Kid 1: This is [my Lunchables!] Kid 2: Really? This is Lunchables Uploaded. You may be wondering “Why ‘Uploaded?'” I don’t know. I-I still – I can’t figure out where I’m supposed
to upload this to. I don’t know if this is supposed to upload
to my stomach? I don’t know. I guess It’s uploaded. I guess it was already uploaded. Where was it uploaded to? The only real difference here is that they
include more stuff. But that’s not what ‘uploaded’ means. Some old dude was like, “Hey, kids upload
things, right? They should make a Lunchable and name it that.” Teen Boy 1: I’m starving! Teen Girl: Got anything to eat? Old man: You know it, bro. Check Joe. Old man: Try Lunchables Uploaded. It definitely seems like it’s trying to be
more of a meal and less of a snack. There’s more stuff in here. More stuff to eat. Let’s just open it. [Exciting astronaut-esque pre-launch music] Well… This reminds me a lot of, like, an in-flight
meal, almost, y’know? It looks like a box the stewardess might give
me. [Fwoop!] This is- this is the Ultimate Deep-Dish Pizza
with Pepperoni. It comes with [all ingredients at once]. So you actually have to assemble your own
drink in this meal, which I don’t know how I feel about that. Reminds me a lot of the – I think it was Lunchables
Max? ‘Cause Lunchables has had deep-dish pizza before. I remember very clearly eating some Lunchables
Deep-Dish Pizza when I was young. [Rock ‘n Roll music; wanton destruction] Man: Billy! Billy… Billy…! Man: Wait ’til you sit down… Narrator: New Lunchables Mega Pack! Two deep-dish pizzas plus a ton of toppings
and full-sized cola. I hated it. I specifically remember asking my mom to not
get that one anymore. Because deep-dish pizza sucks! There are people out there, from certain places
in the world that will tell you differently, but deep-dish pizza is just not good. [High pitched] Obey my food opinions. [Magical sprinkling] Might as well contribute to the ongoing
floor cheese. [Crunch] I actually like this better than the regular
pepperoni pizza, surprisingly. I was almost positive that this was gonna
be my least favorite of the pizzas. But because the insane amount of sauce that
you can put on a deep-dish pizza, right? It actually drowns out the flavor of the pepperoni- I can’t taste the pepperoni at all and that’s
actually a plus. I would rather taste the sauce because I hate
those fuckin’ ronis. [Classy piano music] Cheez-It is w- weird, right? [Classy piano] I love Cheez-Its, delicious – don’t know if they go with a Lunchables pizza
meal, but if I’m a kid in elementary school eating lunch, I’m not gonna say ‘no’ to Cheez-Its. I’m gonna say, “Yes.” 100% of real cheese?! Well. [Fwoop!] [Splash!] Ooooh! That’s Kool-Aid. That’s, uh, we all know what Kool-Aid tastes
like. [People screaming; Ian growling] And hey, if your Kool-Aid isn’t quite sweet
enough for you, you just – put that in there. Mmm. It’s okay. It could use something, though. There’s sugar in here, right? [Sad audience] Little-known fact, you can actually assemble
your entire Lunchables lunch inside of the water bottle. Some cheese in there – for the health- healthy
people. Mmm… Mmmm… Mmmmm… It’s like a meal in a – oooh… It’s like a- mmm… It’s like a meal in a- It’s your meal in a bottle! It’s your meal in a bottle! Ugh… [Cough-gag] All right, we need – we need to get a second
opinion on this. “Good for” [Audience cheers] As for Ian Points, I give… I don’t know, five points to the pizza, three
points to the Cheez-Its, seven points to the Fruit Roll-Ups, like one point to the Kool-Aid. I don’t want Kool-Aid, I’d rather just have
plain water. And then, the water bottle gets, like, 20. But this, which, y’know, they didn’t tell
me that I had to do this, but it’s still their fault, somehow. So, minus 1,000. 5,000. 20,000. This thing was terrible! Don’t do this. Well, that sure was disgusting and I feel
like I’m eating so badly today, like, I don’t know, all these Lunchables seem so unhealthy. I sure wish there was a way to eat healthier
with my Lunchables! Lunchables Organic. This is not a joke. This is not a prank. This is a real thing that I bought at a real
store made for real people who presumably want to eat more healthy Lunchables. Not necessarily healthy Lunchables, because
that’s not a thing that’s ever going to exist, but more healthy Lunchables. It boasts organic white cheddar, organic pepperoni,
organic pizza sauce, and organic pizza crusts. [Plastic ripping] Oh, shi-! Now, there’s something I cannot show to you,
and that is the smell. There is a clear Lunchables smell coming from
this Lunchables that I did not smell in any of the other ones. I think it’s the – I think it’s the bread. [Sniff] Oh, it’s definitely the bread. [Sniff] That’s repulsive. Look at these sad little ronis, man. Look at these sad, little pepperonis. They are not the right color. It looks and, sm- Just the texture – the look
and the texture just scream organic. Cheese actually feels better. The cheese has some more bounce to it. A little more spring to it. I think that may have been something that
was missing from the other ones. Here’s my pizza. I have a feeling I’m not gonna want to eat
more than one. All right, now. Let’s see if this is worth the price increase,
because, of course, Lunchables organic are more expensive than the regular kind, because they’re
organic, so they’re healthy. “Organic” is a hard word for me to say. It’s weird. It’s weird. I don’t know a ton about organic foods, but
it just tastes weird. I can taste what it’s trying to be, but it’s
not – it’s not there. It tastes like something else. I know where they were going with this, but
it sucks. Let’s just try one of the pepperonis. Why’s it so weird? So, organic Pizza Lunchables gets no Ian Points. None. Not an Ian Point. It is more expensive, it does not taste as
good, and it’s still not healthy. You might as well get your kid the cheaper
option that they will like more. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find any reviews
of Lunchables Organic on Amazon or Walmart or Target.com. Presumably, because I’m the only person dumb
enough to have bought one of these so far. So… yay for me? That’s gonna be it for my Lunchables pizza
taste test. My favorite by far and away was the extra
cheesy pizza. If you’re someone my age looking to taste
some Lunchables nostalgia, this one is gonna be what you’re wanna gonna-
wanna gonna gonna get? It’s pretty close to how I remember it. The cheese is a bit different, the crust is
a little bit different, but nothing remains exactly the same after so many years. The taste is still pretty freakin’ close. Also, I really liked that – that Airhead. I want to get some more of the blended Airheads. That was really good. If you microwave your Lunchables, if you are
a fan of the deep-dish style pizza – I apologize. Just joking around. We can still be friends. Bitch! I hope you enjoyed this video. I still don’t really know what made the last
one enjoyable. So, I don’t know if this one is gonna – you’re
gonna like it. If you’d like to see more, please leave me
some feedback. Let me know what you liked in this video,
what you’d like to see in the future, any suggestions, what I could do differently;
let me know. I’m interested in hearing. In the meantime, I am gonna clean a bunch
of cheese off of my floor.

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