Making a homemade pizza for idiots
It’s me Jesse and Ari, If we – if they test me they sorry ride us up like a Harley and pull up in this Ferrari *Iconic trumpet* *Bum* What’s up, my dudes? So this morning I woke up and I’m like I REALLY WANT A PIZZA. So we’re gonna make a pizza Let’s just get right into it My plan here is to first make the dough, then let it rise, and then I’ll make the tomato sauce, then I’ll grate the cheese *CLAP* Bake it and boom. We have pizza. Let’s start with this. *FLOUR ABUSE* So for one pizza, and I’m gonna make a PHAT pizza cause I’m hungry today. I’m gonna need ? 3/4 of a cup of flour. This is not three-quarters of a cup this is one cup but I’m gonna use it anyways as three-quarters of a cup because *INHALE* Ya *COUGH* Don’t even skim off the top just… Jamie Oliver doesn’t use any measuring utensils. So we’re not gonna use any either! Next, the yeast *Rip* Then we put half of this packet and it’s approximately 1 teaspoon. *CLAP* Now for some water! Wait, I’ve already made a mistake, okay… I Need another cup of flour. The recipe said one and a half cups of water But for some reason I thought that was flour. To make two pizzas you need four cups. So that means we need two cups. So, umm *COUGH* NOW for the water! half of a cup and a half is three quarters of water Half of a cup and a half is three quarters of water The recipe also said that you had to test the yeast but I mean, Do you really think I have time for that hell, no. I should probably mix this before I put the water in it I should probably mix this before I put the water in it This is going downhill really quickly. No. No, I’m not going to be negative in this video every single video I’m super negative Today, I’m gonna be positive… Patti *AGGRESSIVE SPOON SOUNDS* Okay, so the recipe also told me to put 2 teaspoons of olive oil EW I don’t think that’s right *MORE AGGRESSIVE SPOON SOUNDS* *Crowd booing* That’s disgusting I think it’s time that we start kneading it, and this is where the real muscle work starts to come in, and, um, I don’t know if you can tell… *OOO AH AH AH AH* Mhm *SNIFF* *Dough abuse* *COUGH* I don’t think this is how you knead dough, but now that we have this, I’m going to take a bite out of it Joana STOP Pretty good! K great Wait, no, this has to rise so now we have to leave this for like 20 minutes covered so that the yeast does it’s magic and like *BOOM* You know, so that’s what we’re gonna do And in the meantime, we’re gonna tackle the tomato sauce, which okay, frankly if it was up to me, I would have just had bread and then the cheese cuz I freakin hate Tomatoes then we’re just gonna… Cover it up! *COUGH* Now for the tomato sauce, I asked my mom how to do this and this is like kind of where things get hard? So we’re gonna boil some water You guys probably can’t even see this, but just trust me, okay? Then you’re going to put your tomato in the water when it’s boiled. So while we wait for the water to boil (Send her to a dance academy) Am I still filming?? The water still hasn’t boiled… OH MY GOD IT’S BOILING!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! I’m sorry. Okay. Well see you later buddy. Wait, why is it not… Not even submerged? Okay, hold on This is so wrong what I’m doing right now, but I literally don’t know what else to do. Okay… Now the waters not boiling anymore. I am such a disaster. Oh my god Okay, so I’m back from my mental breakdown now, we’re gonna cover it up and hopefully the water boils again *Salsa Music* AAAAAH!! If you’re wondering what cheese I’m gonna be using OH OOOOOO THE TOMATO’S READY THE TOMATO’S READY Now we’re gonna get a little plate! Take out the tomato next we’re gonna peel off the tomato with just A fork and knife. Oh, this is nasty Now you got to open the tomato up, and there really isn’t any way to do this you just, you know… *Murders tomato* We need to take out the seeds, and I don’t know about you, but I HATE TOMATO SEEDS!!! They’re flavorless tho I hate them!! Every time there’s like tomato sauce in my pasta I spent 20 minutes picking out each individual tomato seed, I don’t care how long it takes My mom makes fun of me for it, but I don’t care Why am I struggling?? So a couple things happened; my phone ran out of storage, AGAIN So I had to airdrop that to my computer that literally took like 20 minutes and it has to be out of here in 45 Minutes to go to practice and eating a pizza before practice now that I think about it is probably a terrible idea I’m just gonna shut up and um finish this pizza *PUNCH* ~Pizza *AGGRESSIVE SLAPPING* Now the tomato sauce really gets spicy, if we put this red vomit, into here! And hope that we don’t get burnt AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! (Don’t forget about it) Look at that sizzle! So we’re just gonna let that sit for a while. Now. We tackle the cheese I don’t have time for this! Oh! I’m like freaking out, preheat the oven to 475 degrees! How do you preheat an oven? What?? Bake?? Sure! 4-7-5 Now we grate the cheese. *Burp* I Have literally five minutes to get this finished. Oh my GOOOOOOD. What the tomato sauce doing? Oh my god I completely forgot about the tomato sauce (Told you) AHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, that is not right. I burned the tomato sauce R.I.P This is my tomato sauce *Screams* How did this video just dramatically take a turn for the worse? *Slap* No, oh god no, okay, you know what? That’s as good as it’s gonna get, let me just show you what we’re working with here *Demonic Vlog Song* Now we add the cheese Just slap that stuff on. Oregano? This is not a pizza. This is not right at all. Black pepper? Sure. Why not? There’s cheese all over the floor Okay, basil sure. I literally have three minutes to finish this. Oh my GOD! So this is the finished pizza It’s so amazing. You can even tell like look at those tomato clumps! Can this please go any faster?? I’ll see you when that’s done preheating. Okay, so I finished cleaning up a bit and um, the oven is not preheated yet. It’s at 420 Woah *SMOKE WEE-* Anyways, so it’s up 420 degrees and I don’t have time for this. I need to be out the door in 20 minutes So I’m just gonna put this in here and see what happens. Am I scared? Yes, ten thousand percent. That’s not right, okay… well, here it goes. Okay, I’ll see you guys in like ten minutes *Sad Music* What even happened? It’s completely burned it’s completely burned. Oh my god How does that happen?? Okay, well I guess that’s What I’m getting, That’s what… happened… in the end… *I AM DISGUSTED* Okay, So now is the actually important part, we have to try the pizza. Am I excited? No, I’m not this looks Disgusting. OWWWWW! THAT’S BURNING!!! *Burp* Okay, now we taste it… No, oh god no, it’s just bread… *Crowd Cheering* Well, okay, um, so I’m gonna have to eat this cuz I feel really bad throwing this out No, I’m really sorry, if this is not the video you wanted to make my pain a little bit better maybe subscribe . .. … You should dislike this video (Don’t) Okay, I’m gonna eat my misery now see you. Hey just one more check-in, Um, I’m eating it and I put some pieces of cheese on it, and it’s still not helping So yeah, just thought I’d jump in and say that No, oh my god, what have I done to deserve this??