Tricking The Pizza Person Is Harder Than It Looks (CHome Alone 2/5)
– It was then and there that
I decided to be a low life. – (clears throat) Yes, adult voice, yes, thank you, yes, thank you. Guys, the pizza’s here! – [Men] Yes! – Wait, if the pizza person comes in here, they’ll know we’re all alone. – Oh no!
– Oh no! – What are you doing
with that, just drop it! – Say, I think I have an idea. I’m gonna control–
– We know, we got it. – Okay. (elevator dings) – [Man] Stay right there, wise guy. – Uh, okay. – You got the stuff? – Yes sir, one large cheese pizza? – Just drop it! – Okay, I’ll set it
right here on the ground. – It’s working. – That’ll be 11.80. – Just drop it! – I did. – Shit.
– What are you doing? – It’s hard to control
a movie this quickly. – Shut up! – Sorry! – Money, money, money. It’s always the stinking money with you. (movie rewinding)
Drop it! – You keep saying that. (movie rewinding) – You like coke floats? – What? – What? – When I was a boy living
in Bensonhurst we used to go to Sal’s, you know
he’d make us coke floats. – I don’t care. (muttering)
– Stop, stop! I’ll know when I see it. – What are you looking for? What line are you looking for? – I’m trying to find the right chapter. – Press fast forward,
just press the button. – Fine fine. (movie fast forwarding) – Can you just pay me
the money and I’ll go? – Broads, broads, broads. All I can think about is broads. – I’m not a broad, I’m a police woman. – How many of you are in there? – Fix it, fix it!
– Everybody shut up! Everybody shut up. (upbeat music)
– Is that a band? – [Woman] Mm, I can fit a
whole wine bottle in my pussy. – What the fuck is going on? – Hi, I’m Grant O’Brien
and I’m auditioning for the role of bystander number one. You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls have to
guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it, you? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. – What the hell is this? – It’s one of my old audition tapes. – This will never fool her. – I know but, it’s really good, isn’t it? We use words like honor, code, loyalty. – Going to town on that apple. – I’m an artist! – Dude, your acting fucking sucks. (laughs) – Well if you have any
notes I’m open to them. – Wait, are you guys here alone? (screams) – [Man] I’m sorry sir,
but it is Christmas. There are no flights available. – Please, I have to
get home to my writers. They are so dumb. – [Siobhan] Hi, I’m
Siobhan from CollegeHumor. Click over here to
subscribe and click here for more fun stuff, ya filthy animals. I was abandoned in this office when I was 10 years old by my parents. I’ve only eaten pizza
for such a long time, I think I have scurvy.